30 de Enero, 2026
I’m worried about my friend; she’s having some religious delusions. I’m not going into details because I don’t want to expose her, but her family isn’t normal. Mine isn’t either; they’re all very delusional, just like them. Sometimes I wish I had been born into another family. I wonder what it would be like to be my cousins, people who were actually taught values and useful skills. Still, I’ve already passed the stage of hating myself and thinking I don’t deserve anything, of looking at my classmates and wishing I were them so I could be worth something. Anyways, my friend told me something funny, that I would go to hell for being a lesbian, that the demons would torture me and...do bad things to me. I told her "Hope it's a cute demon woman at least" She was really pissed. Now, a new life out of schoold and into university starts, I'm very excited. My passion is film making, my dream is to make a film one day, my writing is no more than a temporary solution to my urges. But I decided to study medicine, I need money, I don't have time for these fantasies, studying is something I know how to do, film-making is something totally new for me. I'm scared that if I study Visual production i won't be good enough. I love my story, I love my characters, but they are all shitty people and the public is going to hate them I guess. Also, I've been building a lot of stories in my head for years, since I was ten or so, but I never actually wrote anything. This is my first time writing, I always liked to read, but I was to afraid to write. Finally I'm writing and I like it, it's freeing. But I'm still learning, and I'm too young to know anything yet, so maybe this story is too pretentious, I don't know, maybe it's just like the "deep" stories I used to write when I was eleven, that now embarass me.
31 de Enero, 2026
The month ended really fast. I'm kind of sad, yesterday I was worse. There's this girl I used to like, but she doesn't exist anymore as i used to know her. She's now figured some parts of her identity out but i can't stop liking them. I've known her since we were kids and I always loved them. But I've been sad lately, because he takes confusing decisions; he writes to me, and when I answer him, he leaves me on delivered. HE writes TO ME. I DON'T WRITE TO HIM. I don't because I know there's a chance he'll leave me on read and I'll cry. I hate talking to him but it's the best moment of the day. I know I should stop all this, just cut my relations with him, because everytime I talk with him I just want to kill myself.
1 de Febrero, 2026
I found out someone had done bad things to me but it doesn't affect me, my porcelain skin protects me. This didn't even crack it, not a little bit. I kept falling for it, even looking out for it. I don't blame myself.
3 de Febrero, 2026
I don't care anymore, he can do whatever he wants. He can go fuck 30 guys and 30 women and I won't even care anymore. Of course I'm just lying until I actually believe it, because I guess I'll always care
8 de Febrero, 2026
I hate you. Don't answer, I don't care, leave it. I know I'm just lying to myself cause I'll fall to your feet the moment you answer me. But, for now, I don't want to know anything about you. Damned be the day I met you. Bye, I guess. If God wants it, we'll find each other in this life again.
16 Mirrors Let's get all the years where I was her friend (let's get all the mirrors in the bottom of the well) I thought I lost my heartbeat, I wanna tell you (this is a piece of cake working with my hands) This one is a page where I used too many colors (sixteen mirrors at the bottom of the well) Roll it in a mirror, all my work will be discovered (this is a piece of cake working with my hands) Let's get all the years where I was her friend (let's get all the mirrors in the bottom of the well) I thought I lost my heartbeat (this is a piece of cake working with my hands) This one is a page where I (sixteen mirrors) This one is a page where I (sixteen mirrors) This one is a page where I (sixteen mirrors) This one is a page where I (sixteen mirrors) (Sixteen mirrors) (Sixteen mirrors) (Sixteen mirrors) (Sixteen mirrors)
I'm proud of myself becasue I won my first online discussion today, the guy deleted his account hahahaha. He deserved it, he said I used AI to write my story. I hadn't even published it so he couldn't have read it, unless he bargained into my house, grabbed my laptop without me noticing-which would be hard since I'm chronically online- and read it.I looked into his posts, he was all day, everyday, harassing people and accusing them-with intellectual language-of using AI. He told me "Hm, well, I have a very simple system that determines wether or not you're using AI (based on the repetition of "and" and the personification of objects)". I was just so mad. smoke came out of my head; This bitch hadn't even seen my story! What was he on about? It was time to begin a battle; a bloody encounter of two chronically online people. "I have a simple system that determines wether or not you are unemployed (Argues and harasses new writers all day, accussing them of using AI) And i determined that you are, unemployed." I wrote some other stuff, saying that he's te vivid image of a redditor. He deleted his account. hahahahaha. I felt bad after, but he deserved it. The worse thing than a dumb person is a dumb person that thinks they are intelligent. Just reddit things.
I hate AI, I don't use it for writing, I do have a bad habit of conversating with it about my problems. I'm lonely, It's like I need constant support. My psychologist doesn't answer my messages. I'm going to leave it, I know it's bad for the enviorenment and it makes me feel lonely.
